All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
