Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
