the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
