the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
