listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
