Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
