Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
