I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
