Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
