Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
