Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
