i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
well you can't waste a boner
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
