I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize