Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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