it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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