I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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