Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
