if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
