hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
