The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
