Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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