And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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