**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
