Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
