He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
