I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You ate ashes out of my bong
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
