I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
