note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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