Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
