you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Small penises have feelings too.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
