My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
