I smell stomach acid.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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