Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
