How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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