Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
