Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
They took my balls.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
