I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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