Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
