dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
