Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
