I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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