I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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