Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
