I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
