There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
