I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
