Whod you bang
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
