sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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