ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
