I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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