So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
