So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
