turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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