Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
