We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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