How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
