DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
