Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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