I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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