She is in my trunk
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
