Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
