You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
