if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
