Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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