Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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