roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
