Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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