they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
