I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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